Thoughts of a disillusioned athlete

I’m burnt out.  I’m disillusioned.  I want to get back into my routine, but the thought is scary as hell.  I’m tired of the concept that one size fits all, because it doesn’t.  I’m tired of the guilt associated with taking a break.  I know that if I quit I’ll become a pariah; I don’t want to quit.  I want to change (update: I don’t want to just change, I want to evolve.)

I need to create something sustainable.  The key word in that previous sentence is “I.”  Not “we,” and not “my coach.”  No one can give me a training plan — hell, a life plan — that I didn’t have a hand in making.  It’s my goals I need to achieve.  All these plans can do is hope to help me.

One thing I love about Robb Wolf is how he basically refuses to answer questions about training athletes for their sports.  The short of it is… if the person is still progressing, if they’re happy, then why mess around?  What’s the takeaway?  The formula to get someone to continuously improve, at first, is simple.  It’s when the progression stops that it’s hard.  Why is that?

Training changes from physical to mental.  I have a 400+ lb deadlift, but if I just don’t feel like working on that, it’s not going to get any better.  I have a reliable 1:43 half marathon; if I stop running, it’ll only get worse.  At some point, I’m just going to run out of steam.  I’ve got a full-time job, 2 part-time jobs, I need to train for some races I want to run, and I’ve got a social life that is too hectic for its own good.  In the rare time that I can balance all of this stuff, I’m a rockstar.  When something gets out of balance, I’m a mess.

In the last few months, from say late February through today, I’ve been more of a mess than a rockstar.  So how do I fix that?

I’ve been burnt out before, or just tired, or something.  But in those times, I knew that if I got up at 5:30 and went to work out at 6:15, there would be a group of people that would welcome my return, which would fuel my desire to get back on track.  More and more, this is not the case — that group of people is completely different.  The community is so large that it’s hard to re-enter.

This is a different kind of burn out.  This one is making me rethink everything.  For you CrossFit haters that read my blog, it’s got absolutely nothing to do with that… I still believe that CrossFit as GPP and sport-specific training layered on top is way more powerful than the traditional weekend warrior training plan.  Everyone should know how to clean a barbell and squat effectively.

It’s time to go back to square one, to come up with goals.  I need a coach for not only my athletic ventures but for life.  A confidant that knows how to motivate me, not just yell or criticize my food log (which I don’t have at the moment).

I don’t have the answer to this one… I don’t even have a good start at an answer.  All I know is that tomorrow, I need to move.  And how I move is going to be important.

How do you bring yourself back?  Post your thoughts to comments.

Every Second Counts + Groove = Gen X Weekend Warriors

(and a race report…)

People use the expression “work hard, play harder” all the time. And I think they mean it, but I think most people use the phrase for that one bender of a weekend or that show they saw Wednesday night and had to work early the next day. I think I’ve found a group of friends who epitomize “work hard, play harder.”

Imagine the movie “Every Second Counts” — a movie about some elite CrossFitters experience leading up to and including the Crossfit Games.  Then imagine the movie Groove — a movie about the San Francisco party underground that juxtaposes “real life” with “club life.”  That’s “work hard, play harder.”  And while our lives are quite a bit different in both camps, the intersection of the two is the best way I can characterize 2010 so far.

Somehow we balance jobs, training, racing, and nightlife in a way that seems perfectly ok, but I wonder when it all comes crashing down around me.  This was last week:

Sunday: spend the day with friends at an Alzheimer’s benefit.  Drink copious amounts of champagne mixed with tequila shots (ironic? perhaps.). Go to bed late.

Monday: work all day, CrossFit.

Tuesday: work all day, CrossFit, teach spin class.

Wednesday: coach a morning track workout, work all day, tuneup bike ride, coach evening track workout, host a party, drink all night (it was Cinco De Mayo, after all).

Thursday: coach a morning spin class, work all day, tuneup swim, dinner with friends, drinks in celebration of other friends’ wedding.

Friday: took the day off of work. Easy workout, errands, go to friends’ wedding, go to bars after said wedding, stay up almost all night.

Saturday: coach a morning CrossFit class, try to pick up the drunken pieces (imagine the scene in Groove at the End Up), go to a party barge and try not to drink (I do have a race on Sunday, after all).  Go home, eat dinner, pack race bag, sleep.

Sunday: wake up at 4:50, arrive at race around 6:30, race at 8, home by 12. Brunch at 1, long ass nap, get groceries, cook. Sleep!

That’s a normal week for me… just move around the training days and the drinking days and somehow it works.

I have to say that when I race, I’m jealous of the people who can dedicate their time to training and being “clean.”  There’s a certain guilt associated with this lifestyle (at least for me).  I think that’s because there’s the elephant in the room — if I wasn’t out drinking all week, I’d do so much better at these athletic feats.  But at what cost?

My strict CrossFit friends only hang out with other CrossFitters who eat paleo and drink Makers or NorCal margaritas.  My triathlon friends only hang out with other triathletes who rarely drink, eat tons of carbs, and go out on long rides and runs every weekend.  My non-athletic friends do whatever the hell they want.  I’m tired of having to “pick a side.”  I want it all, and I want it all to work.

Perhaps that’s the downfall of Gen X — we want our (paleo) cakes, and we want to eat the whole damn thing with (paleo) ice cream, on a unicorn.  Why?  Because we can.  At what cost?  Who cares… just as long as I’m happy. (aside: I know that’s a long leap from the previous paragraph to this one. I’m not in the business of writing a thesis, this is just the way I feel at the moment… hell, I don’t even know how I got to this point)

It sounds self-centered, and perhaps it is.

(another aside: I read this back before I clicked “Publish,” and I realize it may come off as a) pretentious, b) whiny, or c) narcissistic. or any combination of the above. Again, realize that I’m attempting to write down how I feel and what’s been going on… not to tell you about my training log, but instead of tell how what the rest of my life looks like. It’s a vent at the moment. Deal.)

So I had a race on Sunday… The Rookie Tri.  And once again, I did… ok. Actually I did worse than I thought.  I was all amped on Sunday because I thought I PR’d, when I actually got 10 seconds slower.  I know exactly where it was.  This is the magic of repeating races, which coincidentally is one of the reasons CrossFit works — comparisons and benchmarks.

So… this is a wake up call for me that perhaps things have gotten a little out of balance, and it’s time to bring things back in line. We’ll see how I do on my next few rides and races, and hopefully I can maintain my existing relationships and get back to those PRs and achievements.

Reflections on 2009

The year’s not quite over yet, but while I’m still at home for the holidays, I thought I’d use this downtime to think about 2009.

I’ve heard from a lot of folks that 2009 sucked for them… I don’t know that I want to paint a whole year in a bad light.  I can certainly say that the last few weeks have tested more than just physical ability for me; they’ve tested emotions, caused stress, and forced me to take a hard look at what I’m doing with myself and my role in the various situations and scenarios that have played out in the latter part of this year.  More on that later.

For now, I want to focus on the positive, some highlights of 2009:

• In the athletic realm, I’ve gotten stronger and faster, posting PRs in several events around CrossFit, duathlon, triathlon, and running.  I really feel that the CrossFit prescription is something that allows an athlete to progress, have fun, and create something lasting.  I’m not bored, and even when I get burnt out, I miss the community and the fun.
• I’ve messed around with various diet techniques and found that eating well really isn’t that hard, and eating crap sucks a lot more than it used to.  I look better, feel better, and perform better than I ever have.  Just like the physical realm, I think this is something that can be sustained, and there’s nothing but good things that come of it.
• In my 9-5 (lol!) job, I’ve worked in a tough environment that’s not only affected by the poor economy, but also a few people who must also think that 2009 sucked, because they’ve created a negative place to be.  More on that later, too.  But I think my team at work has matured and is continuing to do so… we’re more efficient, more effective, we make better decisions and we’ve made huge improvements to our product.
• In my other jobs, I’ve grown leaps and bounds as a coach.  I got my CrossFit Endurance, Nutrition (from Robb Wolf, phew), and Level 1 certifications.  I wrapped up over 3 years of teaching cycling at 24 Hour Fitness and I’m taking on new roles at both CrossFit Central and Pure Austin.  Starting in the new year, I am teaching one track workout a week for CrossFit Central, and two PIT classes at Pure Austin! I’m grateful to Jeremy and Beto for their trust that I can work with our athletes.
• In my personal life, I’m really just trying to hold steady.  Some relationships came and went, and while I know I’ve got a hand in everything that happened, I also know that right now, I’m better by myself.  Although that kind of stuff can change at any moment

(more…)

Thanksgiving starts early…

There was no one at work yesterday.  Just no one at all.  So I’m going to join the crew and start my break a little early, by working from home in the morning, getting some much needed chores done, and getting a CF and CFE WOD in today.

I’ve also decided to stop twittering my food log.  I know, you’re stoked.  Sorry about that… that was dumb.  I have no idea where it’s going just yet, so I’ll just do it on here for now.

Daily log

7AM CrossFit @ RunTex: 10 swings @ 60lb (35+25db), 1 burpee; …; 10 swings, 10 burpees. 10:58. burpees are slow for me.

breakfast: 3 egg omelette with chicken, bruschetta, and pesto. mixed berries. black coffee. 9 fish pills.

Recognition

I won an award on Sunday… it was the first award I’ve won in a long time.  I wasn’t really expecting to win anything, which made it even better.  Combine that with my general Debbie Downer day, and it made everything better.

What was the award?  More on that later.

It’s funny… I have to admit that I felt a little “left out” when I wasn’t one of the people recognized during Client Recognition month at CrossFit.  But then I realized that I don’t really deserve a workout named after me, at least yet.  The people we’re recognizing have truly accomplished great things at our gym, over and beyond simply feeling, performing, and looking better.  They’ve transformed their lives in some way.  I’m still working on that, and I don’t need a workout named after me to know that.

That said, it feels damn good when someone notices what you do… which parlays right into the award.

My award was the “Superfly Rookie of the Year” award of the cycling instructors at Pure Austin.  It means a lot, because it shows that people really do appreciate the work I put into my classes… programming workouts and making them work with music is not easy.  Sometimes I question why I do this… between Pure, 24, IBM, and now CrossFit Central, I have like 4 jobs and it gets a little overwhelming.  But knowing that I’m providing a support structure that enables a transformation in my clients, just like I had (and continue to have) a support structure around mine, is rewarding.

Despite the fact that us CrossFitters tend to dismiss “Globo Gyms” as useless, Pure Austin really has a ton to offer even the most hardcore CrossFitter.  They’re constantly innovating (thanks for the Oly platforms!) and they’re always in a quest to make their members happy and successful.

Recognition is great… and it doesn’t have to be a cool award.  It can be as simple as some kind words from a complete stranger.  Have you recognized someone’s effort lately (in the gym, at work, at home… anywhere really)?  If not, do it!  Everyone needs some karma points.

I’m looking forward to some exciting stuff in the near future with Pure Austin and with CrossFit Central… more on that in another post.