I need to create something sustainable.  The key word in that previous sentence is “I.”  Not “we,” and not “my coach.”  No one can give me a training plan — hell, a life plan — that I didn’t have a hand in making.  It’s my goals I need to achieve.  All these plans can do is hope to help me.

One thing I love about Robb Wolf is how he basically refuses to answer questions about training athletes for their sports.  The short of it is… if the person is still progressing, if they’re happy, then why mess around?  What’s the takeaway?  The formula to get someone to continuously improve, at first, is simple.  It’s when the progression stops that it’s hard.  Why is that?

Training changes from physical to mental.  I have a 400+ lb deadlift, but if I just don’t feel like working on that, it’s not going to get any better.  I have a reliable 1:43 half marathon; if I stop running, it’ll only get worse.  At some point, I’m just going to run out of steam.  I’ve got a full-time job, 2 part-time jobs, I need to train for some races I want to run, and I’ve got a social life that is too hectic for its own good.  In the rare time that I can balance all of this stuff, I’m a rockstar.  When something gets out of balance, I’m a mess.

In the last few months, from say late February through today, I’ve been more of a mess than a rockstar.  So how do I fix that?

I’ve been burnt out before, or just tired, or something.  But in those times, I knew that if I got up at 5:30 and went to work out at 6:15, there would be a group of people that would welcome my return, which would fuel my desire to get back on track.  More and more, this is not the case — that group of people is completely different.  The community is so large that it’s hard to re-enter.

This is a different kind of burn out.  This one is making me rethink everything.  For you CrossFit haters that read my blog, it’s got absolutely nothing to do with that… I still believe that CrossFit as GPP and sport-specific training layered on top is way more powerful than the traditional weekend warrior training plan.  Everyone should know how to clean a barbell and squat effectively.

It’s time to go back to square one, to come up with goals.  I need a coach for not only my athletic ventures but for life.  A confidant that knows how to motivate me, not just yell or criticize my food log (which I don’t have at the moment).

I don’t have the answer to this one… I don’t even have a good start at an answer.  All I know is that tomorrow, I need to move.  And how I move is going to be important.

How do you bring yourself back?  Post your thoughts to comments.

Over my 12 days in California spent with family, close friends, and quite a bit of alone time, I realized that many of my friends are nomads.  We travel between intense moments with little to no rest.  Any free time is taken up by one or more hobbies, which are another set of intense activities.  We’re always on.

In my industry (the computer one, not the fitness one), we have a phrase called five 9′s, which means that a system needs to be available 99.999% of the time.  That’s practically all the time.  It’s the phrase we use to indicate that something has to be always on, it can’t go down, it can’t break.  I think I’m surrounded by five 9′s people, I think I’m one myself, and I think that’s horrible.

Why is it so bad?  Because the vast majority of those people (myself included), when the 0.001% downtime occurs, quickly realize that between all the stuff, the new friends, the old friends, and more stuff, they’re still alone.  We’re so over-stimulated that everything has to be done for time, for reps, maximal effort, everything we’ve got, nothing but the best.  Sometimes we need to just mail it in to bring some balance back.

In a world where most everything is noise, it’s really hard to find the signal.  It’s even harder if you never give yourself a chance.

So when I tweeted a while back about slowing down the game, it wasn’t just in relation to athletic endeavors (although at the time it was).  I think I need to spend more time “off,” because being on all the time is impossible.

I want to the find the signal.  First stop: get rid of the loneliness, it’s been around too long.

I think a great barometer of the quality of a friendship is how “resumable” it is.  When you graduate high school and then college, and then move away, you find yourself wanting to keep in touch, and maybe you’re successful for a bit.  But over time, people get busy, and life happens.  This is why I love my Memorial Day weekend trip.  It’s called Dogpatch, and it’s a big ass reunion.  And you can tell who’s different, which connections are weaker or stronger.  And it’s good to know that when I came back, I felt like all the friendships resumed.

To be sure, Austin is now home for me (I miss it when I’m gone, and I do miss my Austin friends just as much as my California friends these days).  But California sure feels great when I make it back here.  Why?  The ability to totally reset.

There’s no better way to take things into perspective than getting the hell out of dodge for a bit.  And while we have no wifi or cell reception at Dogpatch, the Starbucks 4 miles away does.  So I can make a quick trip back into town to catch up on reality if I want.  And in my reality scanning while waiting for my Venti Iced Americano, I came across a post by lifestyle coaches Melissa Urban and Dallas Hartwig (aside: just reading Melissa and Dallas’ material is awesome. you should do it too) about their Whole30 participants sticking to the diet (and their commitments) during the long weekend.  Nutrition aside, there’s one line in particular that struck me:

Take a minute today and list one thing in comments that is significantly better NOW than it was two weeks ago, thanks to your Whole30 efforts.

I’m not participating in this round of the Whole30, but if you’ve followed my blog, you’ve noticed that I have a lot going on lately, both personally, professionally, and in my weekend warrior endeavors.  So as part of my reset button, I’ve instituted some Whole30 tenets that I know have worked for me in the past.  No need to list those here, because my point is that regardless of what you’ve been up to, go back to the bold text, read it, and do it.

After two weeks, reduced training volume, some serious deadlines checked off, and a slight cortisol management scheme, I feel like I’ve got my groove back. Energy levels are back up and steady, I’m back to making progress in the gym, and most importantly I’m back to feeling clear in my head.  I’m happier than I was even a few days ago.

Now I just need to find a way to keep it up when I get home.

The last line from that post that I need to share:

Motivate, re-dedicate, and then get out there and enjoy your holiday weekend.

Replace “holiday weekend” with “life.”  Motivate, re-dedicate, and then get out there and enjoy your life.

That thought immediately brought me to two quotes from Rip, here’s the first:

On response to a guy who had some life problems lately and afraid of sounding like a “pussy”: You don’t sound like a pussy at all. You sound like a normal human being, just like me, who thankfully has a barbell to keep him sane when things get shitty…and realize that one workout out of thousands does not affect your overall progress. Training is a process, not the events of one day. [Source]

That sounds like it was directed to me, even though it wasn’t.  And if you wanted to recap the last few “personal posts” of late, that’s the general message.  Powerful people are powerful in body, mind, and spirit.  You must train all three.

Second quote:

There is simply no other exercise, and certainly no machine, that produces the level of central nervous system activity, improved balance and coordination, skeletal loading and bone density enhancement, muscular stimulation and growth, connective tissue stress and strength, psychological demand and toughness, and overall systemic conditioning than the correctly performed full squat.

So that tells me how to train my body.

What are the most powerful exercises to train one’s mind and spirit?

And then I went to Vegas.  And San Diego.  And Colorado.  And Canada.  Then there was SXSW somewhere in there.

And the list goes on…

My Type 1 personality leads me to believe that I can handle all of it.  I can burn the candle at both ends.  Work, train, party, race.  Hell, I won my age group in a duathlon with 1 week of prep time.  I’m invincible, right?

Wrong.

(aside: HUGE thanks to those who checked in with me after reading my last post.  Now that I have an explanation for what’s going on, I feel MUCH better now… I’ve got some personal life repair work to do, but that’ll come in time)

In thinking about the last week or so, culminating in the last post I wrote, I spent some time thinking about what I’ve been up to, and why I would have such high highs and low lows.  And then, listening to Robb Wolf, something hit me… adrenal fatigue (funny thing when you run into this listening to the Paleolithic Solution podcast

Robb ran into this situation,  best described from his blog post:

For those of you unfamiliar with this condition, your adrenals begin to give out [due] to too many life demands. Sleep, stress, training can all take their toll. I think I’ve had a mild to moderate dose of this condition for a LONG time. I have always burned things pretty hard … This combo of shitty food and bad sleep really takes me down at the knee caps.

…

What my adrenal fatigue boiled down to was this: Crushing fatigue most of the day, only perking up a bit in the evening. This is a reversed  cortisol profile in which I have higher levels in the evening than morning. this is about a stage or two away from the full systemic melt-down that leaves on in bed, immune compromised and generally feeling like death. Cortisol competes with testosterone for the substrate pregnenalone. High cortisol means insulin resistance, low strength and slow recovery. Excessive metabolic conditiong makes things worse. What’s excessive? You never make progress, you feel like absolute death doing anything over a few minutes duration. I’ve also had 4-5 sinus infections in the past about 8 months. No bueno.

This. Sounds. Familiar.

I’ve had similar issues with energy levels.  I didn’t want to get up in the morning.  I couldn’t get to bed when I needed to.  My mind was constantly racing at night, and I got really bad sleep.  My diet went to shit — for every good meal, I would have 2 bad ones.  I was drinking way too much, way too often.  And I was still trying to train hard and race.  Do a google search for adrenal fatigue and alcohol, and you’ll find countless results that contain the words “emotional outbursts.”  Awesome.  Do another one for adrenal fatigue and emotions, and you’ll find more results that link the two.  Bingo.

No wonder my CrossFit WODs have been crap, my races have been a bit slower, I’ve been constantly sore and irritable.  No wonder people have asked me if I’m ok several times a week for the last several weeks.  No wonder I’ve felt like I was walking on a wire for the last month or so.  And no wonder the situation culminated with two emotional outbursts that I can’t explain, because the kind of thing I reacted to is not something I normally care about.

I’m overdoing it, big time, and it’s all got to stop.  Yesterday.

I started my plan to recover on Sunday.  Here it is:

• CrossFit WODs will be short.  I’m going to lift and do some CrossFit Endurance track/pool/bike work.  All of it will be short.
• I need to get back into my routines that I know work for me.
• I need to cook meals more often than not, and they need to be solid.  Which also means I’m going to be food logging for a month.
• I’m going to stop drinking until Memorial Day weekend, where I’m going camping with lots of old friends.  And then I’m going to stop drinking again until after my Half Marathon on June 6.  After that, we’ll evaluate it along with everything else.

How will I know I’m good?  When I can:

• Sleep well.
• Even out my energy levels throughout the day.
• Feel happy, constantly.
• Train well, with purpose, and with great results.

If your world is going haywire, and you’re one of the Gen X Weekend Warrior Rockstars, take a step back and read what Robb Wolf and Melissa Urban have to say on this topic.  Maybe your candle is burnt out.  I know mine was.

So it’s 0830 on Sunday morning.  Normally I would still be sleeping, but instead of nursing a hangover, I pulled the ripcord at Molotov around 1230 and took off.  One of those nights where nothing I drank was getting me drunk, and I felt uncomfortable in my own skin.

I’m in a funk, and I can’t figure out how to get out.

I feel like I’ve allowed the following things to happen:

• I’ve managed to piss off or otherwise irritate some new friends of mine (you know who you are).
• I’ve stopped progressing in CrossFit.  I’ve stopped progressing in triathlon.
• I’ve stopped caring about my job.

Until I took a few minutes to pause, all I had for the above things are excuses, no real reasons.  I can blather on about feeling unwelcome, or not training because I don’t have time, or work being just plain annoying.  But all of those things are my refusal to provide the one thing that I demand from everyone else around me: respect.

Respect, and with that, loyalty, are the two things I demand from any relationship or community I choose to join.  That’s because those are two things that I fiercely provide in return.  For better or worse, I will throw myself in front of a bus for someone I just met 5 minutes ago, if they fit into the respect-loyalty relationship.

I spent the afternoon Thursday listening to Robb Wolf’s podcasts, and one thing he mentioned is the notion of training without ego.  Ego belongs on the field, when you’re competing, but it doesn’t belong in your training.  You’re not too good for drills, you’re not too good to practice a lift at 95lbs before you lift it at 135.

Same goes for life and relationships — it’s not a competition, it’s more training.

I’m not too good to expect that new friends will treat me like they’ve known me for years.  I’m not too good to expect that I can PR on a race without training.

In the words of Jimmy Eat World’s A Sunday, the inspiration for this post (again):

The haze clears from your eyes

On a Sunday

So to those who think I’m a total headcase, I’m not, and I’m sorry for the bullshit.  The bullshit is over.

To my other communities, I’ll find that vigor, fire, that so many of you have seen.  It’s somewhere.

People use the expression “work hard, play harder” all the time. And I think they mean it, but I think most people use the phrase for that one bender of a weekend or that show they saw Wednesday night and had to work early the next day. I think I’ve found a group of friends who epitomize “work hard, play harder.”

Imagine the movie “Every Second Counts” — a movie about some elite CrossFitters experience leading up to and including the Crossfit Games.  Then imagine the movie Groove — a movie about the San Francisco party underground that juxtaposes “real life” with “club life.”  That’s “work hard, play harder.”  And while our lives are quite a bit different in both camps, the intersection of the two is the best way I can characterize 2010 so far.

Somehow we balance jobs, training, racing, and nightlife in a way that seems perfectly ok, but I wonder when it all comes crashing down around me.  This was last week:

Sunday: spend the day with friends at an Alzheimer’s benefit.  Drink copious amounts of champagne mixed with tequila shots (ironic? perhaps.). Go to bed late.

Monday: work all day, CrossFit.

Tuesday: work all day, CrossFit, teach spin class.

Wednesday: coach a morning track workout, work all day, tuneup bike ride, coach evening track workout, host a party, drink all night (it was Cinco De Mayo, after all).

Thursday: coach a morning spin class, work all day, tuneup swim, dinner with friends, drinks in celebration of other friends’ wedding.

Friday: took the day off of work. Easy workout, errands, go to friends’ wedding, go to bars after said wedding, stay up almost all night.

Saturday: coach a morning CrossFit class, try to pick up the drunken pieces (imagine the scene in Groove at the End Up), go to a party barge and try not to drink (I do have a race on Sunday, after all).  Go home, eat dinner, pack race bag, sleep.

Sunday: wake up at 4:50, arrive at race around 6:30, race at 8, home by 12. Brunch at 1, long ass nap, get groceries, cook. Sleep!

That’s a normal week for me… just move around the training days and the drinking days and somehow it works.

I have to say that when I race, I’m jealous of the people who can dedicate their time to training and being “clean.”  There’s a certain guilt associated with this lifestyle (at least for me).  I think that’s because there’s the elephant in the room — if I wasn’t out drinking all week, I’d do so much better at these athletic feats.  But at what cost?

My strict CrossFit friends only hang out with other CrossFitters who eat paleo and drink Makers or NorCal margaritas.  My triathlon friends only hang out with other triathletes who rarely drink, eat tons of carbs, and go out on long rides and runs every weekend.  My non-athletic friends do whatever the hell they want.  I’m tired of having to “pick a side.”  I want it all, and I want it all to work.

Perhaps that’s the downfall of Gen X — we want our (paleo) cakes, and we want to eat the whole damn thing with (paleo) ice cream, on a unicorn.  Why?  Because we can.  At what cost?  Who cares… just as long as I’m happy. (aside: I know that’s a long leap from the previous paragraph to this one. I’m not in the business of writing a thesis, this is just the way I feel at the moment… hell, I don’t even know how I got to this point)

It sounds self-centered, and perhaps it is.

(another aside: I read this back before I clicked “Publish,” and I realize it may come off as a) pretentious, b) whiny, or c) narcissistic. or any combination of the above. Again, realize that I’m attempting to write down how I feel and what’s been going on… not to tell you about my training log, but instead of tell how what the rest of my life looks like. It’s a vent at the moment. Deal.)

So I had a race on Sunday… The Rookie Tri.  And once again, I did… ok. Actually I did worse than I thought.  I was all amped on Sunday because I thought I PR’d, when I actually got 10 seconds slower.  I know exactly where it was.  This is the magic of repeating races, which coincidentally is one of the reasons CrossFit works — comparisons and benchmarks.

So… this is a wake up call for me that perhaps things have gotten a little out of balance, and it’s time to bring things back in line. We’ll see how I do on my next few rides and races, and hopefully I can maintain my existing relationships and get back to those PRs and achievements.

With respect to life, I can say I’ve learned a lot about myself and my friends, but I’m only scratching the surface.  I still have trouble coping with the simple fact that as an adult, you have to do your dishes, laundry, and clean your own damn apartment.  Obviously I do these things, but only when it really needs to happen.  It’s not just-in-time… more like almost-too-late.  For example, I go through so much athletic clothing that easily over half of my laundry is gym stuff.  And since I need to use it just about daily, I end up doing two loads of gym clothes per week, at the sacrifice of other clothes.  I really wanted to wear that shirt I wore out the other night… oh well.

Basic “adult things” are eschewed for stuff that’s far more fun or interesting.  The funny thing is it’s not just me… many of my friends are doing the same.  It makes me wonder if this is common for the single late 20s/30s crowd — reverting back to dorm-style life management skills — or if this is new for our generation.  Maybe it’s an Austin thing…

Speaking of… early 2010 + life + Austin = Eric was a zombie.  Let’s review:

• Mid February: everyone seems to have a brithday; let’s all drink. Heavily.
• Work sends Eric to perform a production deployment… sweet.
• Customer asks (requires) Eric’s presence the following week, right before his first ski trip of 2010.
• Eric returns to said customer, rebooking flights like crazy, and flies AUS-SAN-DFW-GUC, chill for a week (at a bachelor party, so we all know how that goes), then GUC-DFW-AUS.
• Home for 5 days.  phew.
• Not just yet… drive to Houston and back for the Muse show (which was amazing, btw)
• Oh wait, SXSW.  Shit… ZOMBIE ATTACK!
• Ski trip #2, Whistler.  One bottle per person condo entry fee.  4 people dust off 5 bottles in 5 days.  3 bottles alone on the last night.
• Return to Austin, try to resume life.

The rational person would simply tell me to stop drinking so damn much.  Good point.  Now let’s return to reality.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so disconnected in a long time.  With all that traveling, the only connections you retain are the people you randomly text while traveling and the ones you see when you get to your destination.  In fact, my schedule has been such a mess lately that I’ve honestly felt like I’ve alienated myself from the CrossFit Central Tribe.  And that’s scary.

So I’m in the process of re-establishing myself in the tribe that has provided me with so much over the last 2 years.  Going back to my 6:15am CrossFit class (although that didn’t happen today… there’s another post coming on that one).  Heading up to the gym to support/participate in events.  Getting back into The Label Says Paleo.

That also means writing stuff down here, for whoever reads it to read.  Seriously, I have no idea who reads this.  I have the Google Analytics on it, but that doesn’t identify an individual… I just know how many hits I get.  But I digress…

Coming in the next couple weeks:

• How I finally got a 190kg (~418lb) deadlift, and won a duathlon
• Why I can’t stand up straight today, reach for tall things, or otherwise move correctly
• My race schedule updates and training plan for the remainder of the season
• Other random (hopefully entertaining) musings

If you’ve gotten this far, thanks for reading… and leave a comment, dammit!

Warm-up

• 800m run
• Stretches/joint work
• KB warmup: 3 rounds of [4 press L, 4 press R, 8 cirlcles, 8 figure 8's].
• Burgener Warmup

Skill work

• Snatch balance, hang snatch: after practicing the movement with PVC, move up to an open bar.  Complete 3 rounds of 5 snatch balance, 5 hang snatch, for form and not time (take your time through this and make sure you’re doing it right).

Workout

• 10 rounds of 10 pull-ups, 10 ball slams @ 20lb.  15 min time cap.

Handstands in the snow, with snowboard boots, are tough.

After you’ve thrown yourself off the deep end with CrossFit, there’s not much that can compare when it comes to a fitness facility.  Maybe you’ve got a traditional gym membership and a CrossFit Affiliate membership.  When you walk into the traditional gym, what’s your attitude?  I know what mine is…

“screw the machines and most of the contraptions… just give me a pull-up bar, some kettlebells, a med ball, maybe a rower. if i can lift heavy weights, even better.”

The way my job works is that I travel sporadically, and when I do, it’s a lot all at once.  For example, I left Austin on February 20, returned on February 25, left again on February 28, returning March 4, and will be leaving for two more trips this month.  What does that do to my training plan?  Shot. To. Hell.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.  Here are my tips for success in training on the road:

• Decide right now: do you care to stay on your training plan?  Does it matter that you do the .com WOD 3-on, 1-off?  Or, can you maybe get a couple runs in and call it a week?
• Plan ahead.  While you’re making your travel plans figure out what’s in your hotel and what’s around you.  Find the nearest CrossFit Affiliate, shoot them a note.  I guarantee you’ll be welcome there, and I’m willing to bet you’ll fit in.
• If you’ve decided you’re sticking to the plan, then do your best to stick with it, but don’t freak out if you miss something.  Remember the words of Rip: “training is a process, not an event.”  So I can’t do MEBB in every town I’m traveling to, but I can at least find a place that allows me to lift heavy.  I can search the programming of all the CrossFit boxes in the area and find out which ones might work the best for me.
• Pack versatile and light. You don’t need your oly shoes, running shoes, fivefingers, rings, abmat, chalk, tape, and 5 pukie shirts for your 4-day trip.  I bring the following: fivefingers, enough workout clothes for 2 days (and wash out in the tub/air dry to rewear… if you have good gear, it won’t smell), some tape, and a TriggerPoint ball.  For example, if you’re running and CrossFitting, do your CF workouts in your running shorts.

No CrossFit gym?  Then start heading to the fitness center in your hotel.  Use the dumbbells, treadmills, and mats to construct a workout.  Do “Fran” with dumbbell thrusters and body rows using the cable cross machine.  Do “Angie” with bench dips or body rows.  Or, hit up CrossFit Endurance and use the treadmills to do the WOD (or just run outside).  Get creative… the point is to just keep moving!

Case Study: Vegas and San Diego

Last week, I was in Vegas for a conference.  Vegas is a tough town because it’s hard to get around… cabs are expensive and they don’t like to go too far off the strip.  I’ve made it over to CrossFit Las Vegas a couple times — great place — but this time I didn’t have the time.  So, I took my Vegas hangovers to the MGM Spa and did a modified version of the CFE Recovery workout a few times:

Run 400m

3 rounds of:

• 15 bench press
• 15 swings
• 15 bench dips

Then do 2 rounds of:

• 50 situps
• 5×30:30 hip bridge

Keep the weights light but challenging — your third round should be tough but unbroken.  Move with purpose but not like you’re racing.  Then go hit the steam room.

In San Diego, life’s a lot different.  I wasn’t crazy like Vegas, and I had control over where I stayed.  So I stayed near CrossFit Invictus.  CJ and his crew (which includes the rockstar Sage Burgener) are awesome, and every time I show up, it’s only better.  Turns out I got 3 days of exactly what I needed — some lifts, and some metcon.

Conclusion

I’ve been around states and tried to keep up with my training.  At first I felt guilty because I was off “the plan.”  Then I began to realize that when you travel, it’s so much easier to simply do nothing.  So go do something.  Try to get it as close to what you’d do if you were home.  Meet some new people.  Buy a shirt from another affiliate.  Not only is CrossFit a good cult, but it can be done just about anywhere.