Thoughts of a disillusioned athlete
Posted in life on 20. Jun, 2010
I’m burnt out. I’m disillusioned. I want to get back into my routine, but the thought is scary as hell. I’m tired of the concept that one size fits all, because it doesn’t. I’m tired of the guilt associated with taking a break. I know that if I quit I’ll become a pariah; I don’t want to quit. I want to change (update: I don’t want to just change, I want to evolve.)
I need to create something sustainable. The key word in that previous sentence is “I.” Not “we,” and not “my coach.” No one can give me a training plan — hell, a life plan — that I didn’t have a hand in making. It’s my goals I need to achieve. All these plans can do is hope to help me.
One thing I love about Robb Wolf is how he basically refuses to answer questions about training athletes for their sports. The short of it is… if the person is still progressing, if they’re happy, then why mess around? What’s the takeaway? The formula to get someone to continuously improve, at first, is simple. It’s when the progression stops that it’s hard. Why is that?
Training changes from physical to mental. I have a 400+ lb deadlift, but if I just don’t feel like working on that, it’s not going to get any better. I have a reliable 1:43 half marathon; if I stop running, it’ll only get worse. At some point, I’m just going to run out of steam. I’ve got a full-time job, 2 part-time jobs, I need to train for some races I want to run, and I’ve got a social life that is too hectic for its own good. In the rare time that I can balance all of this stuff, I’m a rockstar. When something gets out of balance, I’m a mess.
In the last few months, from say late February through today, I’ve been more of a mess than a rockstar. So how do I fix that?
I’ve been burnt out before, or just tired, or something. But in those times, I knew that if I got up at 5:30 and went to work out at 6:15, there would be a group of people that would welcome my return, which would fuel my desire to get back on track. More and more, this is not the case — that group of people is completely different. The community is so large that it’s hard to re-enter.
This is a different kind of burn out. This one is making me rethink everything. For you CrossFit haters that read my blog, it’s got absolutely nothing to do with that… I still believe that CrossFit as GPP and sport-specific training layered on top is way more powerful than the traditional weekend warrior training plan. Everyone should know how to clean a barbell and squat effectively.
It’s time to go back to square one, to come up with goals. I need a coach for not only my athletic ventures but for life. A confidant that knows how to motivate me, not just yell or criticize my food log (which I don’t have at the moment).
I don’t have the answer to this one… I don’t even have a good start at an answer. All I know is that tomorrow, I need to move. And how I move is going to be important.
How do you bring yourself back? Post your thoughts to comments.
Word. I miss the old 6:15. But I can’t change that. I’ll be there tomorrow.
Eric, you can’t beat yourself up too much. We’ve all been where you are. Its good that you recognize that you have to make the decisions and line out how to get through it. You’re in control of your life and your response to what happens to you each day.
Good luck, take time to figure out the right track, don’t jump until you’re good and ready.
maybe your goal should be to not have any goals for a while. i tried that once and it worked. i got my life in order, got happy, and then was totally pumped to start training with purpose again. i needed a reboot. if you aren’t liking what you are doing, it’s going to be really hard to improve anyway. my two cents.
Who says you need a goal? Maybe you need a break from having a goal. Maybe you need to focus on little things. What did you learn today? What made you smile today? What good thing(s) happened to you today? What good did you bring to someone else’s life today? What was the most beautiful thing you saw today? Maybe its time to let other people help prop you up instead of being that person for everyone else. Get a box of chocolate cheerios (the non macrobiotic kind) or a pint of B&J and sit in front of the sunset. Enjoy.
Hah, I was just thinking this weekend how I’d love to be a life coach. I have no idea how much I have to offer, but I feel like I’ve figured things out for myself pretty well at least. I definitely think realizing it’s up to *you* is like 90% of the battle. If you know that, then you know it’s just a matter of figuring out what it is you want to do with yourself, and then *doing* that. Easier said than done sometimes…
As for what that is… I’ve been in a similar spot for a long time. My interests are many, and they all come at the costs of the others it seems. I love what I get out of crossfitting 5 days a week, I *need* to work a job and earn my stay here, I’d love to spend another 40 hours a week to devote myself to getting smarter in other areas, all this while attempting to maintain relationships with people around me, and all of these things require sufficient rest to truly appreciate. Lately, that’s not stressful like it used to be though – I’ve found some way to manage it all.
It doesn’t seem to me like you need a life coach though – it looks an awful lot like you wrote out all the answers to your problems. Maybe it’s just a matter of taking everything you said to heart. Like “having a social life that’s too hectic for its own good” – maybe it’s time to only allow a social life that’s manageable and that you truly enjoy. When you said “I need to create something sustainable”, that should apply everywhere, including choosing what your social life is like. Or maybe the secret is in looking at that sentence a different way. I’m not sure life is just to be “sustained” – I’d recommend you try to enjoy it! So maybe what you need to create is a life you enjoy. Things are a lot easier to do if you just do exactly what it is you *want* to do, and fully accept that while you’re doing it. Don’t go to work because you have to, or because you’re scared of running out of money. Go to work because you realize that’s how the world works. Go to work because in order for people to live on the earth, they have to provide themselves the means to do so. Go to work because you have to provide some equivalent value to earn all the food and entertainment you get, for the work others did to make the life you want possible. Don’t go to the gym because you’re scared of atrophy. Go to the gym because it feels good to push yourself, abuse your weaknesses, feel strong, be capable, compete.
If you stop doing things you should do or have to do, and start doing only the things you truly want to do, you’ll probably find it all a lot easier to maintain. Just some thoughts that work for me, hope they help. You seem introspective, smart, and motivated enough to figure out what’ll work for you.
What Nick said! Seriously. Especially the part about going to the gym because you enjoy it!
Don’t worry about PRs and whatnot.
Just ENJOY pushing yourself and being around such great people.