sometimes this sucks

There are days I walk into CrossFit and I think “oh I’ve got this.”  And then I realize about 30 seconds after “3, 2, 1, go!” that not only do I not have this one, I’m going to fuck it up somehow.  What’s funny about this is that one of my coaches is constantly trying to tell me that if I’m thinking I’m gonna screw it up, that I’m really gonna screw it up.  ”It’s all up here,” he says, pointing at his head.  The engineer in me wants to laugh and explain that this is a skill, not a wish.  But today, I think I’ve decided he’s right.

Two things happened today that led me to this conclusion:

I watched a video from Tim Ferriss on TED.  Now ignore most of the video… there’s a bunch of controversy around it, especially if you read the comments.  There was one thing he said that really stood out, about “deconstructing things that scare the living hell out of me.”

“fear is an indicator. sometimes it shows you what you shouldn’t do; more often than not it shows you exactly what you should do.”

Good call.  When I get into a WOD, and 30 seconds later I “realize” how screwed I am, I need to embrace that fear and my training needs to kick in.  I’m surrounded by awesome coaches and great athletes to compete with.  We push each other.  I need to be open to being pushed, and I need to trust my training.

The second thing that led me to believe that most of my trouble is in my head is a quiz I took on Facebook today.  “How CrossFit are you?” it asks.  It tells me that I’m “Awesome”… which may or may not be true (but is certainly fun to read).  The best part is two of the questions asking about your reaction to the WOD, and how you compete when you’re in there.

How do you feel when you walk into a CrossFit gym? A little scared to find out what the workout is, but I’m going to beat everyone else

Who would you compare yourself to in terms of overall performance? I keep setting new personal bests for myself, that’s all that matters

Next time, when I walk into the gym, I’m going to beat everyone else — AND it’s going to be a new personal best.

So, John, just keep telling me “it’s all up here” — and know that I believe you now.  I just have to follow through.